Weirdest and worst lyrics of the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest

Vilija Matačiūnaitė wants this man to pay her some attention. Do you think she will succeed?

Vilija Matačiūnaitė wants this man to pay her some attention. Do you think she will succeed?

In tragic news for all long-time fans of the Eurovision Song Contest, the overall standard of lyric-writing appears to be improving. This year’s contest featured an increased number of entries that were written by people who appear to have some actual songwriting talent. The days of “years ago when I was younger, I kinda liked a girl I knew” may be numbered.

Thankfully, a number of writers who learned English in chatrooms are still having some success in the ol’ Song Contest. Here is my selection of the weirdest and worst lyrics from the entries in the 2014 Eurovision in Copenhagen… plus a few genuinely good lyrics at the end.

Weirdest lyrics

“Free your mind from the doubts that are tickling” – One Night’s Anger, Hersi (Albania)

“Aunque llueva y nos mojemos, no pararemos de bailar
(Even if it rains and we get wet, we won’t stop dancing)”
Dancing in the Rain, Ruth Lorenzo (Spain)

“Show us the stairway to come back to earth. Sky diver’s space jump”
Three Minutes to Earth, The Shin & Mariko (Georgia)

“What am I? Am I human? What am I? An emotion?
Time and space can lie to us while we sleep”
Wild Soul, Cristina Scarlat (Moldova)

“Keep the gloves on for fighting. Don’t you knock on my door”
Coming Home, Firelight (Malta)

No, he's definitely not Patrick Swayze. By definition, only one of you can be Jennifer Grey.

No, he’s definitely not Patrick Swayze. By definition, only one of you can be Jennifer Grey.

“It’s not trigonometry. Inside, we’re the same”
No Prejudice, Pollapönk (Iceland)

“I am the hunter, you are the prey. Tonight, I’m gonna eat you up”
Hunter of Stars, Sebalter (Switzerland)

“But I’m not Patrick Swayze, you’re not Jennifer Gray”
Cheesecake, Teo (Belarus)

“J’ai tout ce qu’on rêverait d’avoir
(I have everything I could ever dream of)
J’ai peut-être tout c’est vrai
(It’s true, maybe I do have it all)
Mais moi j’voulais une moustache
(but I want a moustache)”
Moustache, TWIN TWIN (France)

These guys have achieved so much; just a pity about the baking.

These guys have achieved so much; just a pity about the baking.

“I melted the ice of the polar caps, found the Raiders of the Lost Ark, solved a case for the genius from Baker Street, helped to clean the Central Park. I created the plan for the Chinese wall; went to desert, made it rain; swam through a shark tank bloodily; found Atlantis, by the way. But today… I’ve got a cake to bake. I’ve got no clue at all. I’ve got a cake to bake and haven’t done that before. Don’t be proud, mate, please don’t bother. Go, come on and ask your mother how to bake, how to bake, bake that cake.”
Cake to Bake, Aarzemnieki (Latvia)

Worst lyrics

“I’m starting to rise, don’t need to be criticised; I’m not an animal in captivity”
Same Heart, Mei Finegold (Israel)

“I’m starting to feel it and want to believe it’s incredible”
Miracle, Paula Seling & OVI (Romania)

Freaky Fortune have provided the entire lyrics to their song on these t-shirts.

Freaky Fortune have provided the entire lyrics to their song on these t-shirts.

“Now I don’t wanna live without you for another day and if I’ve said it twice, it means that you will have to stay”
To the Sky, Tijana (FYR Macedonia)

“Come on and rise up, jump out of what keeps you down, get high and rise up, fly get your feet of the ground, come on and rise up, rise up, rise up, rise up, rise, rise, rise, rise…”
Rise Up, Freaky Fortune feat. RiskyKidd (Greece)

“You saw me chatting with my girls at bar. True, we’re all pretty”
Attention, Vilija Matačiūnaitė (Lithuania)

Only Axel can sing a tribute to his mother that points out her failures so clearly.

Only Axel can sing a tribute to his mother that points out her failures so clearly.

“We’re Slavic girls, we know how to use our charming beauty, now shake what your mama gave ya”
My Słowianie (We Are Slavic), Donatan & Cleo (Poland)

“I’m coming home. I’m broken hearted and I need time to shelter. I need your love, a hand to hold, a heart to heal, a voice to help me through” | “And once again, mother, you’re all I have, mother”
Mother, Axel Hirsoux (Belgium)

…and my favourite lyrics of Eurovision 2014

“There’s a silent storm inside me; someday, I’ll be calm”
Silent Storm, Carl Espen (Norway)

“Odio le scarpe col tacco (I hate high heels)
che incastro distratta (which I absent-mindedly wedge)
nei tombini invadenti (into the intrusive manholes)
di questa città (of this city)”
La mia città, Emma Marrone (Italy)

The members of Softengine are between 17 and 19 years old. Surprisingly good insights into the minds of the elderly.

The members of Softengine are between 17 and 19 years old. Surprisingly good insights into the minds of the elderly.

“K’o da je tvoju dušu drugom pisala
(You are the never-ending line on my palms)”
Moj svijet, Sergej Ćetković (Montenegro)

“All these words she meant to say to me. All these words against my faith. All these words before she passed away. All these words will never never never change.”
Something Better, Softengine (Finland)

“And maybe we really are the dream of God and we woke up in flesh and blood”
Maybe (Forse), Valentina Monetta (San Marino)

The last time Netherlands won Eurovision, the lyrics were "Ding-a-dong, every hour, when you pick a flower". The Common Linnets are a fair bit better than that.

The last time Netherlands won Eurovision, the lyrics were “Ding-a-dong, every hour, when you pick a flower”. The Common Linnets are a fair bit better than that.

“Rise like a phoenix out of the ashes seeking, rather than vengeance, retribution”
Rise Like a Phoenix, Conchita Wurst (Austria)

“I could say I’m sorry but I don’t wanna lie. I just wanna know if staying is better than goodbye.”
Calm After the Storm, The Common Linnets (Netherlands)

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2 Responses to Weirdest and worst lyrics of the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest

  1. Pingback: Israel: Kein Platz im Finale | douzepoints.ch

  2. leoelaych says:

    What if I told you that there were at least 10 songs with good lyrics (but plenty of daft ones too, like the United Kingdom, in the upcoming one in Vienna?

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